The Birth Order Theory: a Tool for Life
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Picture from: mybirthorder.com
Jordan Kunkel
H. English 10 2nd hour
I-search final
3-26-12
The Birth Order Theory: a Tool for Life
The Smiths, a family of five, have gathered in the living room after dinner. Ingrid, the oldest child of three, is studiously finishing all of her homework while her younger sister, Tessa, breaks up the fight between their youngest sibling, Ben, and their neighbor from across the street, Dave--an only child. When Dave finally decides to share his Matchbox cars, the boys continue to play while Ben cracks some jokes. This scenario portrays kids with personalities that match the birth order theory perfectly. Readers can probably pick out traits read in the scenario that match up with their own siblings’ personalities. However, you only got a glimpse of the Smith family’s life. The three children and their neighbor have many other personality traits that may not match up with the birth order theory. And what about adopted children or step-siblings? While our personalities do not always follow the birth order theory, our birth order exposes us to certain experiences resulting in certain personality traits.
As the oldest sibling of five, I often imagine life with an older brother or sister who could share responsibility with me. I also imagine how relaxed my life would be with no siblings. Then, mind wandering, I begin to wonder if having a different birth order position would change who I am as a person. Deciding to start uncovering the answer to that question, I chose to research the effects of birth order on personality. Dr. Gorski, a pediatrics, public health, and psychiatry professor, says, “[Birth order] sets up the structure of one’s place in relation to others from the beginning, as we learn how to react to people of different ages and different relationships” (qtd. in Klass 1). Diving further into my research--initially searching for specific personality diagnoses based on birth order--I quickly found that to fully understand the birth order theory one should first know about Alfred Adler.
Alfred Adler was a psychologist of the twentieth century who shaped the original birth order theory, as is stated in the web article, “Alfred Adler’s Individual Psychology”(1). He concludes that first borns will often develop the most problems as they grow up, resulting from that inferior feeling that grows after being pampered for years then left neglected as parents gave more attention to the younger siblings(“Alfred Adler’s Individual Psychology” 1). According to Adler, the youngest child tends to feel powerless and like they “can’t take on the world” because their older siblings have higher “superiority” in the family, and because parents always baby the youngest (“Alfred Adler’s Individual Psychology” 1). The middle child, however, gets a positive review from Adler; he states that middle children receive an equal amount of attention and freedom, resulting in a confident and balanced person (“Alfred Adler’s Individual Psychology” 1). The funny thing is that Adler was a middle child himself, leaving me to believe that his pride for his own birth order influenced his studies (“Alfred Adler’s Individual Psychology” 1).
Although Alfred may have seen the first born child as a problem, there are many studies that show the positive traits that firstborns may possess. Bonny Reichert, author of “The born identity: what you can learn from the birth order of your children,” states that the oldest child is given a lot of responsibility, therefore becoming “responsible” and “focused” (1). PBS Kids explains in their article, “Birth Order: First Born,” that firstborns are assigned the most chores, and are in charge of babysitting their younger siblings, forming oldest children into natural leaders (1). Rachel Zupek, author of “Can birth order determine your career,”explains how firstborns also deal with parents’ high expectations and strict rules, which also could result in a “responsible” and “focused” person (1). Danielle Wood, writer of the article “How Birth Order Affects Personality,” states that firstborns are often “perfectionists,” and they like to please everyone (1). Oftentimes, the firstborn is confident and--as previously mentioned-- a leader; these traits can result from having to guide their younger siblings (“Birth Order: First Born” 1). However, the oldest child can also be “defensive about their mistakes” (Zupek) and “less open to new ideas” (Wood). Still, it may be good that firstborns aren’t as risky; Deborah Kotz, author of “How do siblings shape your personality,” states that studies show that “in previous centuries, older siblings were more likely to survive to adulthood” (1).
There is also more to the birth order personality of a middle child. The middle child is the one who is caught between the behaviors of older and younger siblings, therefore they develop into easy going people (“Birth Order: In the Middle” 1). They typically “love being around people” (Reichert 1) and are “good negotiators” (Zupek 1). Middle children can grow to be competitive because they are trying to win over parental attention, and many “develop musical and academic skills” (Wood 1). Parents are typical more relaxed when raising a middle child because they’ve had more practice and experience, therefore middle children are typically more flexible (“Birth Order: In the Middle” 1).
Youngest children usually have to deal with sharing their parental attention with their older siblings their whole lives; they usually develop outgoing personalities (Wood 1) and are jokesters (Krohn 37). Many youngest siblings become entertainers as a result of their love for the spotlight and their love for being the center of attention (“Birth Order: Youngest” 1). Affectionate people, youngest children are typically persistent (“Birth Order: Youngest” 1) and artistic (Zupek). Youngest are also surrounded by their older siblings and parents, so they typically are more dependent (Wood 1) and can be late bloomers, as said by Katherine Krohn, author of Everything You Need to Know About Birth Order (34).
Only children tend to be really creative and imaginative (Wood 1) because they spend a lot of time without sibling companionship, thus having to find ways to entertain themselves (Krohn 41). They set high expectations for themselves (Krohn 46), and can be “perfectionists” (Zupek 1). “Onlys” spend a lot of time with adults and mature fast (Wood 1). Not used to having to share anything with any siblings, only children typically do not like to share (“Birth Order: Only Children” 1) and want their way (Wood 1).
Many people wonder how their step-siblings and adopted siblings fall into the birth order theory. Younger children have less developed personalities, thus, if children are younger when they form a new family, the more likely they are to act like a family, and the more likely they are to affect each other’s personalities (Krohn 15). If the children are younger and spend a lot of time with their new family, step-siblings and adopted siblings tend to take on traits based off their new birth order pertaining to their new family (Krohn 15).
In her article, “Can birth order determine your career, Zupek explains that “Because of their equal status in terms of age and genes, twins are usually treated the same and turn out similarly” (1). However, twin personalities can still vary in some ways related to birth order. Regardless of birth order, the older twin tends to take on a leader role (Krohn 14) and tends to take on more firstborn-like qualities (“Birth Order: First Born” 1). The younger twin tends to take on more youngest child traits (“Birth Order: First Born” 1)
Factors such as culture, deceased/disabled siblings(Salmon 1), or age gaps between children (Krohn 48) can change which birth order personality traits a person takes on. Salmon explains in her article, “What’s Your ‘Real’ Birth Order?” that some cultures favor a certain gender, causing them to treat the first born of that gender (even if that person isn’t the oldest child in the family) differently, allowing that child to adopt first-born behaviors (1). If an oldest child dies or has a disability, the younger sibling may step up and “take on the job of the oldest,” resulting in that younger sibling forming more firstborn-like personalities (Salmon 1). If there is a big gap in age between two consecutive siblings, the younger sibling may take on firstborn or only child traits, depending on if that child has younger siblings (Krohn 54). Krohn refers to this as “psychological birth order” (54).
I can see evidence of the birth order theory in my family. I am--for the most part--responsible. I like to follow the rules, and I feel like a leader towards my siblings (all typical oldest child traits). My sister, Lauren (second oldest), is very “musically and academically inclined”, and is very competitive (average middle child traits). My brother, Justin (third oldest), is very relaxed, and doesn’t worry about anything (another normal middle child trait). Devin, the fourth oldest, is my brother who is very good with academics, and also likes to keep peace with our brothers. Ethan, the fifth oldest and youngest sibling in my family, is very mischievous, spoiled, and dependent. He also is very good at drawing (typical youngest child traits). But, Ethan is very defensive when it comes to his mistakes--usually a trait of oldest children. In fact, all of my siblings and I have qualities that don’t match up with our birth orders.
Birth order isn’t the only factor affecting your personality. In fact, Frank Sulloway, a researcher from the University of California states, “[Personality comes from] how you were raised, not how you were born (qtd. in Kotz 1).” Two children with the same birth order and family structure could have very different personalities because their parents raised them differently, or because they became influenced by a different group of friends. In a survey I conducted where I asked people to give me their birth order and then circle personality traits that described them (a list was provided), twenty percent circled traits that were barely related to their birth order (Kunkel). And while fifty-one percent circled a mix of traits, twenty-nine percent circled traits that mostly resembled their birth order (Kunkel). That means that eighty percent possess traits that somewhat resemble their birth order (Kunkel). People shouldn’t assume that just because someone is of a certain birth order that they automatically possess certain traits. However, we can’t just dismiss the effect birth order does have on personality and one’s life. Katherine Krohn says, “[The birth order theory is a tool that can be used to gain] perspective on your place in your family and the difference it . . . will make in your life” (8).
“No two children grow up in the same family because each sibling’s experience is so different,” says Perri Klass, a writer for the New York Times. That is why children of certain birth orders all seem to take on similar personality, and also why we are so different from our siblings. But, no two people live the exact same life nor do two people have the exact same personality. It is important that we understand we aren’t defined by our birth order position, but our birth order opens us to certain experiences resulting in our formation of certain personality traits.
Jordan Kunkel
H. English 10 2nd hour
Works cited page
3-26-12
Works Cited
"Alfred Adler's Individual Psychology." All Psych Online. N.p., 1999. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012.
"Birth Order: First Born." It's My Life. PBS Kids, n.d. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012.
"Birth Order: In the Middle." It's My Life. PBS Kids, n.d. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012.
"Birth Order: Only Children." It's My Life. PBS Kids, n.d. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012.
"Birth Order: Youngest." It's My Life. PBS Kids, n.d. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012..
Klass, Perri. "Birth Order: Fun to Debate, but How Important?" The New York Times. N.p., 7 Sept. 2009. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012.
Kotz, Deborah. "How do siblings shape your personality?." Boston Globe. 31 Oct. 2011:
G10. eLibrary. Web. 12 Mar. 2012.
Krohn, Katherine. Everything You Need to Know About Birth Order. New York: The Rosen Publishing Group, Inc., 2000. Print.
Kunkel, Jordan. Survey of St. Joseph High School students. 11 Mar. 2012.
Reichert, Bonny. "The born identity: what can you learn from the birth order of your children?." Today's Parent. 01 Aug. 2003: n/a. eLibrary. Web. 12 Mar. 2012.
Salmon, Catherine. "What's You "Real" Birth Order?." Psychology Today. N.p., 14 Aug. 2011. Web. 11 Mar. 2012.
Wood, Danielle. "First Born? Only Child? How Birth Order Affects Personality." education.com. N.p., 2006. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012
Zupek, Rachel. "Can Birth Order Determine Your Career?." CNN.com/living. CNN, 22 Oct. 2008. elibrary. Web. 11 Mar. 2012.